whoosh

I am not in a good mood.

Actually, if I really were to describe my mood, I'd tell you that I have no mood at all. I feel blank, like a whoosh sort of mood. I feel isolated and caught in my own pointless existence. I wish I had a friend to go visit. I wish something would happen to me, but instead I sit around the house doing nothing but think about what I wish I was doing. I wish someone would invite me to their house...did you know that no one ever has? I've never gone to play at someone else's house. I'm thirteen, for heaven's sake, and I'm an asocial wreck. I have no social life, and my most recent dream reminds me of that.

Speaking of which, do you know why I write about my dreams? It's because otherwise, there would be nothing for me to write about. My life is just dull right now. I wish I could see my family. I haven't seen them in a year, you know! I'm so lonely. I think that Mom is at physical therapy, so there's no one for me to talk to. Do you know what she said to me today in the car?

"I'm so glad that Ethan and Tristan are such good friends."

Pause.

"I wish you had a best friend, too."

So do I. You needn't remind me. :(

"I mean, besides me. I think I'm cool and all, but don't you think that you need friends your own age?"

Actually, Mom, yes. I do think I need a best friend to talk to. I do need to stop being a weird teenager with no social life. I do wonder what it would be like to have a best friend my age. I do wish I had one. And most of all, I wonder why no one does want to be my friend.

I do feel lonely. I do want to get out of here. I wish I was someone else, and not the dorky kid I am. If I had the choice, I would change into a cat. Then all the other cats would be my friends (as long as they weren't territorial like normal cats) and it wouldn't matter if the humans preferred dogs to me, because I could live my own cat-life with my mate and it wouldn't make a difference to me if humans didn't like me. For all I would care, humans would be big, lumbering, bald animals who had the firm belief that they were the most intelligent creatures in the universe, which they are not. I do not like humans at all. I really wish I was a cat.

Cats are so nice. I have two cats, you know; Willow and Mao Chu. Whenever some imbecile says "I HATE cats!", it makes me sad inside, because I LOVE them. Cats are the only animals I can really relate to. They seem a little like I am. I like dogs, too, just not as much. Cats have the most beautiful quality about them. They're so graceful, and they can be nice, but they're reserved, mysterious creatures...I really wish I was one of them...

...

YOU SEE WHY I'M SUCH A WEIRDO?!

uninvited

I just woke up from my nap after ballet.

I was at my dad's house--but whenever I have a dream about his condo, there are swimming pools and slides everywhere instead of just in the clubhouse, so I like dreaming about his house. I happened to be looking out the window when a huge group of kids ran past--and Shelby and some of my other friends were there, too! I went outside to see what they were doing, and they started having a party, and a lot of the kids were people I didn't particularly like. They had ran around a corner, but I didn't want to follow, because if I wasn't invited to the party, I shouldn't intrude, right? I saw Lindsay sitting on the grass, and I asked her whose party this was, and she said it was Shelby's. I started to cry and ask why I hadn't been invited and why she would do this to me. I watched as they ran around screaming and laughing, but none of them seemed to notice that I was there.

Lindsay said that she didn't know.

odd dream

I had a house, and I was earning money to decorate it. There was a special room that I started to decorate in purple and Ethan was trying to get into it without my permission and I started crying. Eventually he left an I went to visit other people's houses.

Then the scene changed and I was with a chauffeur guy that was helping me on some sort of journey. I fought bad guys and I got on a boat and was riding it on a river...it was odd.

my walk this morning

I went on a walk in my pajamas today in the rain to Maverik--'nuff said.

pet game

I was playing a pet game, except instead of it being on the computer I was in it. I hadn't played for awhile, so my pets were hungry and sick--and one of the kittens was dead. When I put it in the trash can, three new baby kittens magically regenerated and hopped back out. I had pretty much forgotten how to play the game so an old lady showed me how to take care of plants to make food for my pets. The problem was, everything went very fast, which meant that if I spent time caring for the plants, then my pets would get hungry and make a mess, and if I tended to the pets, then bugs ate my plants. So some other people took care of my pets while I tried to get rid of the bad bugs--mostly some giant, creepy mosquitoes that thrashed around and scared me when I took them outside in a cup to kill them. I had the worst time trying to keep the pests bothering my plants under control.

From a few days ago:

The new Poptropica island finally came out! I thought it would be the new pirate island, but instead it was a dragon place. It was kind of lame. Eventually I came to a place with fairies flying around, and I was told that I had to fight a boss, but first I had to collect these little glowy things and I had to learn the boss's name. After I learned it and got the glowy things I continued to the boss and killed it. Then there was a party with fairies and all my relatives were there. Someone said that we could switch bodies with people, so I traded with my cousin Gabriella. I was having fun because she is Asian and I loved her slanted eyes. I walked around a garden place and played with my other cousins, explaining that I was Emma and I had traded bodies with Gabi.

The scene changed and I was in a car-racing video game. I was playing with my uncles and I was creaming them, riding on my weird vehicle that was basically two wheels with handles on them that I just held onto. It was an offroad race and I won.

horseshoe, hurray!

We we to Bear Gulch on Saturday. Mom wanted to see Horseshoe Lake again. We stopped in Ashton (which was under heavy road construction, thought I'd mention that) for snacks, and then headed to the forest. For awhile we were driving through green and gold fields, and then, TA-DA, we were surrounded by the elegant, massive green of the forest! We were awed! Mom took lots of photographs. (By the way, we were in bear country. ^_^)

We were looking for the lake and I expected that we'd never get there. I finally saw the lake through the trees, but we couldn't pull up close to it because we'd arrived at a huge puddle that we'd probably get stuck in. So we got out of the car and started to hike.

Mom was overjoyed to see her lake! She snapped photo after photo. We finally started our trek around the lake. I saw a juvenile delinquents came where they had a barn-looking building for the delinquents to sleep. The roof reached all the way to the ground. We explored the camp

and I thought it might be fun to stay there, but I didn't want to break the law or anything to get there. They had a dock and a floating raft thing in the middle of the lake. The water looked clear and pretty, and I had an urge to jump in and just start swimming! Maybe we can go back and canoe sometime.

We had gone pretty far, but then we reached another section of the lake that we hadn't seen before. It seemed to be composed completely of runoff water, so the ground was terribly soggy. There were fallen trees all over the ground, so I used them to avoid getting my pink Converse shoes wet. We tried to talk as loud as we could to avoid getting eaten by bears. I was pretty nervous about that. I tried to act like I wasn't nervous, but I think it was pretty obvious. Mom was being funny about the wet ground. She said, "Rock--stick--grass!"when she jumped onto different things to avoid soaking herself. We were joking happily as we walked around the lake, and we saw some interesting things--you make what you want of this tree.

Soon the logs and bushes were too thick to go over or through, so we pushed through the thorns deeper to get to dry ground up in the forest. I thought that we would get lost and never find our way back to the car, but we did. By then our pants had streaks of dirt on them and I was tired--again! I'd already gardened that day.

our garden--the first day!

During the afternoon on Saturday (of all times!) we started

working on our garden. Behind our bishop's house across the street is a big field. They told us that we could choose any cleared area to plant that no one has used yet. We chose an area right behind his house so it would be easier to water it. It was next to another family's garden (that didn't look all that professional, but don't tell them I said that) and another that looked pretty nice.

Mom showed me how to plow a row for the tomato plants we bought earlier that week.

I raked the plowed row and we dug holes for the tomatoes and filled them with water. After we had caged them, we did some more rows for marigolds, spinach, broccoli, and beans. Mom

showed me how everything was done and I got pretty good at raking. We got tired, so I went and got us big glasses of milk.

After all of the rows were complete, Mom started making a mountain of dirt. She explained that you put zucchini or cucumber seeds on top so that they have something to grow their vines on. We made three hills and planted the seeds.

Finally it was done! I was exhausted. I felt like I could collapse in the field! I was already smothered in dirt; what difference would it make?

Now all Mom had to do was water the seeds with our hose (which was unfortunately a tad too short, so we had to spray the garden instead). It looked magnificent once it was finished. Sort of something that Martha Stewart would do. I'm so excited for it to grow!

I'm planning on posting more photos as our garden develops, as I said before. I hope it comes out great.

our garden

I hate it when I can't remember my dreams. I was sure I had a great one last night, but I can't remember it now. Maybe I'll remember later...I should write them down the moment I wake up!

Anyway, guess what's happening back in reality? We are going to plant a garden! The ward let us have an empty garden of our choice and so now we are going to grow vegetables and some flowers. I will post pictures of the empty garden soon, and as it develops I will post more pictures. I'm so excited!

Another old dream:

I was sitting in an old shack. Dust and cobwebs covered the old boxes and toys. I wasn't much cleaner than the place; my clothes were sweaty and covered in dirt and my hair was matted. I was kneeling on the floor, looking out the window at a meadow, a beautiful green meadow with a colorful rainbow.

Suddenly the door on the opposite wall opened and someone stepped inside. It was...my crush! I hid my face in my hands; he couldn't see me in this filthy state. He was gently pushing the boxes and toys aside until he reached me.

I looked the other way as he knelt down beside me. I was embarrassed. I looked back out the window at the meadow, and he looked too. I felt as he lifted my hands and entwined his fingers with mine, and we watched the meadow silently.

Kira

(This will only make sense to you if you have seen or read Death Note.)

I was Kira, and my friend Lindsay was Second Kira. We were going about writing criminals' names on our Death Notes and trying to avoid the police. We were prime suspects, but we didn't want anybody's suspicions to be confirmed. We were in an area that looked like the entrance of my grandma's house, but it was larger and it was very crowded. There was a slowly flowing river and a small cavern to our right. The whole place was heavily guarded by police. People bustled around conversing about the Kira case, and Lindsay and I were trying to stay well away from everyone else. We were wearing black full-body suits (sort of like Iron Man) that made us look very suspicious.

We were standing next to the river when two policemen raced at us.

"I'll catch you, Kira, or my name isn't"--he said his name. I wrote it on my Death Note and he collapsed, dead. The other policemen idiotically did the same and died by Lindsay's hand.

Some other officers saw their comrades fall, and they charged at us. Lindsay and I dove into the river and swam into the tiny cavern. It was dark and cramped, but at least the officers didn't see where we had swum.

We crawled deeper into the cavern until we reached our secret room where we had a bunk bed. Lindsay collapsed onto the lower bunk and sighed. She told me that she was sure we'd get caught soon. I told her that we wouldn't be if we tried our best to remain inconspicuous. We took off our black suits as a start and wore regular casual clothes. We left the room by climbing out the window and lowering ourselves using the palm trees outside.

People had gathered in the driveway and were dividing into groups to investigate (ahem, break into) the houses in the neighborhood. We joined a group and set off, racing through dark backyards. Lindsay was always at the head of the group and I trailed close behind her. Soon we came to a yard where someone saw our group, so we hid in the backyard of a completely dark house. It looked like the perfect place to look for evidence (even though Lindsay and I were Kira). We opened the front door (which was conveniently unlocked) and began to search the drawers of the house for books and possible notes concerning Kira. The house was quite eerie, and creepy music played in the background. It was a little less scary when we turned the lights on.

The place seemed suspicious, but of course they didn't find anything. Soon the family's car pulled into the driveway and there was a panicked flurry of people turning off lights and rushing out the back door. Some lights were left on by accident.

I don't think we got caught...that's when my dream ended.